God is just a bit sick and twisted
by aisuru Aki
Summary: Title says all.The Truth behind how Lucifer was really born.A short story on why the Salem witch-hunts occurred. crackfic. warning: a bit of sugar induced blasphemy. T just to be on the safe side.


God is just a bit sick and twisted

The Truth behind how Lucifer was _really_ born.

A short story on why the Salem witch-hunts occurred.

By:

Yours truly,

Aisuru Aki

A Purple cow production

For your entertainment

**Aisuru Aki (purple cow production) does not own ****The Crucible**** or God and all things holy. She is also not responsible for any offense and or injuries that MAY occur while reading this. Aisuru Aki asks not to be sued… it is immature to sue. All complaints go to the purple penguin in charge of the corporation while Aisuru Aki attends school. We hope you will enjoy this short production on life, death, and sadistic holy overlords. FYI, Heaven has no time. I also have a severe case of ADD so this story reflects that. You have been noted. Thank you. You're welcome.**

A magnificent human-like person sat in a golden throne in the middle of a gold and white room. The room was spacious and bright. A light layer of fog filled the room in a creepy sort of way. The human-like person made the room even creepier by wearing Greek-like clothes that juxtaposed the Northwest European style room. A small pond was placed below the being…. Actually it was placed about two feet away and a centimeter to the right, but that's irrelevant to the story. The being seemed to be watching the pond with amusement written on his face. Literally. There's a sharpie lying right over there. See? Of course you do.

**BACK TO THE POINT**

If you look closely at the pond, you can see a group of puritan girls all screaming and fainting dramatically, as if it were a play projected on the water. (T.V. water! You know it's only a couple more years….)

"What are you doing, God?" A seemingly bodiless voice asked. The question echoed through the room annoyingly and God flinched. He looked up to where the voice (he thought) came from and came face to face with an almost identical (_but not nearly as beautiful_, God thought) being.

"Ah! Brother Lucy-Lu! How wonderful to see you!" God exclaimed brightly, and as an answer to Lucifer's original question, motioned smugly to the small pond.

Lucy-L- *ahem* I mean _Lucifer_ approached the pond with a puzzled and wary expression, albeit cautiously. The water-theatre now showed Snapes better looking twin. If I _had_ to describe him, he is a semi-bearded man with long hair and yellowed teeth.

The Yves Montand look alike was yelling whore to a Mylene Demongeot look alike. As Lucifer watched, his puzzled/wary expression turned to that of surprise, then anger. (Ahh. The classic, face-turning-50-different-colours-scenerio.)

God watched the popping of the vein in Lucy-Lu's head with amusement as the latter tried to calm himself enough to talk through painfully clenched teeth.

"God… What is this I'm seeing?" Lucifer asked as calmly as possible. God blinked innocently at him.

"The Salem witch-hunts of course." He replied.

"I'm guessing this isn't some made up soap opera?"

"Nope! This is really happening!" God laughed…. Maniacally? A twitch formed in Lucifer's eye. The right eye to be exact. (They say the right side of your body represents God while the left side represents Lucifer, and the latter strongly believed his right eye twitching was some God- doing-something-Lucifer-will-later-regret-interfering-in sense.)

"Why?" He asked.

"I was bored." Was the blunt reply. The twitch in Lucifer's eye intensified. Typical. Just then, the Salem villagers started screaming 'Lucifer!' as if they were screaming bloody murder. The subject looked at God bemusedly. God barked a laugh that made Lucifer wonder how his sanity was still intact.

"What's so funny?" Lucifer asked hesitantly. He was _so_ going to regret asking. Oh _why_ did he have to ask? Every fiber in his body told him not to but he still did so against his better judgment.

"Hmm?" God said rather lazily. "Oh. Yeah. I kind of let it slip that you're an evil creature hell-bent on destroying heaven and Earth, making us all your slave. I hope you don't mind, it gave good drama."

Lucifer swayed slightly. He silently mouthed the words " Evil creature" before turning sharply around and half running out of the room. God watched him go and when the door slammed shut, the giggles he tried hiding earlier bubbled up to the surface in a full blown maniacal laugh that was heard all throughout Heaven. Lucifer stopped in his tracks in the middle of the hall and shuddered.

"This is what happens," he murmured in near hysterical anger, "when you take away God's CABLE!"

**Moral:** God likes his cable. Yes he likes his cable very much. Pray no one takes it away from him again.


End file.
